


Driver's Ed? More like Driver's Dead

by EdgarAllenPoet



Series: wolf!verse codas [3]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Comedy, Driver's Ed, Filler, Gen, One-Shot, Parent-Child Relationship, Poor Zack has to put up with his shit, Spencer being an irritating teenager, stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3251705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Coda to wolf!verse, fitting with Book One in the plot line)</p><p>Spencer learns how to drive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Driver's Ed? More like Driver's Dead

**Author's Note:**

> It's going to be a little while before book 2 gets posted, so I figured I'd add this in as a commercial break. It takes place right before the end of book 1. Basically, it's in the summer after everyone has moved in and around Spencer's 18th birthday.

Spencer didn’t really care a whole lot about getting his license. The town they lived in was small. He could walk anywhere he wanted or needed in the whole town within an hour’s time. He didn’t need to know how to drive.

He had gotten his permit exactly six months after turning fifteen, that way he wouldn’t have to go through an awful driver’s ed class and only had to practice driving with his parents for fifty hours. His parents, though, were pretty busy people. He didn’t have a lot of experience.

Even so, he’d worked out a plan. Spencer was going to wait until he was eighteen before applying for his license, that way he could get an adult’s driver’s license and not have to worry about driving with a ‘legal adult’ all the time. What was the point of having a license if he couldn’t actually drive anywhere anyways?

Despite Spencer’s arguments, Zack insisted that he at least get some practice before going to take his driver’s test. At this point, Spencer had almost completely forgotten about getting a license. He didn’t think it mattered anymore.

“Just in case,” Zack kept insisting, whenever it came up. Spencer couldn’t help rolling his eyes.

“Zack-” really, that should have been enough of an argument, with the amount of emphasis he put into it. Jon snickered at him. “-I don’t need a license. I know how to drive already. And if there’s an emergency or whatever, then it doesn’t really matter if I have my license or not,” 

Zack shot him a stern look, so Spencer just huffed quietly and crossed his arms. 

“Fine, fine,” he said. “I’ll practice,”

So obviously Zack asked for it. Spencer sat down on the couch and read thoroughly through the driver’s manual again (twice) just to be prepared. 

 

…  
“Breakbreakbreakbreak!” Spencer slammed down on the brake pedal so hard that he felt the back wheels of the car kick up. He screamed, and Zack made a noise that would have been screaming if he were smaller and had a higher voice. 

“Jesus Christ! You told me you knew how to drive!” Zack yelled. 

Spencer’s hands were gripped so hard on the steering wheel that he probably couldn’t let go even if he tried. His knuckles were white. He felt sweaty and stressed out, and Zack’s face was red and pissed off. The car that they’d almost rear ended had already driven away, seemingly oblivious to the drama behind them.

“I know how to drive!” Spencer argued.

“Not very well!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

Behind them, an impatient driver sounded their horn. Spencer scowled. 

“Well, go,” Zack ordered. He sounded impatient and irritated. Spencer felt like that too. He was grinding his teeth enough to give himself a headache.

“Fine,” he snapped, and took off too fast just to piss Zack off. It worked. If Zack smacked Spencer upside the head one more time, Spencer was going to snap and kill someone. Ram them down with the car or something.

 

…  
Driving with Zack had been a disaster, but driving with Jon wasn’t a whole lot better, for completely different reasons. Where Zack was super focused and wouldn’t stop lecturing the entire time, Jon was relaxed and disinterested.

“Jon. I’m coming up to a stop light,” he said. “What do I do?”

“Uhm, stop?” Jon was reclined back in the passenger seat with his feet kicked up on the dash. Jon rolled his eyes, and Spencer scowled. He smacked at Jon’s feet again, trying to get him to put them down. That wasn’t safe. Jon was supposed to be the ‘adult.’

“No, Jon, I’m turning left. What do I do?” he asked, starting to feel panicked as they got closer to the light.

“Turn left?” Jon said again, sarcastic. He was seriously no help.

“Jon!”

“Okay! Okay, fuck, calm down,” Jon rolled his eyes and dropped his feet down where they were supposed to be. At least now his legs wouldn’t get fucking torn off if they got into an accident. 

“You can turn left on green, not on red. Happy?” Jon asked.

“Is that what the book says?” Spencer put a lot of trust into the driver’s ed book. It was the law, after all.

“Yes, that’s what the book says. Calm down, puppy,” Jon was way too relaxed about this. They were now stalled at a green light, and Spencer just sat there nervously clutching the steering wheel. 

“Check it,” Spencer said. 

“Dude, go,” Jon said.

“No, there’s cars coming! They’ll run into us!” 

“They’re far enough away, you’re fine,”

“I am not dying today, Jon Walker, check the fucking book!”

“Oh my God,” Jon rolled his eyes but got the book out. “Look, right here, Spin. ‘Left turn on green, yield to oncoming traffic,’” he held the book up to show Spencer and grinned at him easily. 

“The lights red now anyways,” Spencer grumbled, pressing down on the brake pedal and crossing his arms. 

“Aww don’t be grumpy,” Jon ruffled his hair, but Spencer just scowled. They did eventually turn left and make it home, but Jon teased him the entire time. Spencer couldn’t help but being pissed.

 

…  
Spencer was really super sick of practicing driving. 

“You need to be more careful in parking lots,” Zack lectured. “People drive like maniacs, and if you go too fast then you’re going to get in an accident,”

“Okay,” Spencer monotoned. He’d learned how to monotone pretty well from his friend Ryan a long time ago.

“And if you get in an accident within a year of getting your license, then your insurance will go up,”

“Okay,”  
“Slow down! That’s a speed bump. Do you want to tear the wheels off? Jesus Christ, be careful,”

“Okay,”

“There, now slow down. Careful. Pull in right there,” Spencer sighed and rolled slowly into a parking space in front of the store, where Jon and Brendon had gone in to pick up groceries. Zack had made Spencer stay in the car so they could practice parking lot driving. Spencer wanted to run himself over with the car. 

After a few minutes (and more of Zack lecturing about driving) Jon and Brendon showed up with their arms full of groceries. Spencer groped around under the steering wheel for the lever to pop the trunk, and the boys climbed into the backseat after dumping all of the groceries in the back.

“Alright now, check both your mirrors, turn in your seat to check the blind spot, be careful. Pull out nice and slow,” Zack said. Spencer rolled his eyes. He wasn’t an idiot. He could pull out of a fucking parking space.

“Nice and slow,” Spencer repeated and rolled his eyes, checking the mirrors. 

“That’s what she said!” Brendon yelled, and then started giggling. Jon groaned.

“Watch it! Watch it!” Someone was flying up behind them in the parking lot, and Spencer slammed the brakes just in time, while Zack reached in front of him and blasted the horn. The car they’d almost hit blared back at them and swerved past without even slowing down. Spencer scoffed. Rude.

“Slow, Spencer, be careful,” Zack scowled, and Spencer frowned, because no. That was totally not that fault. Just to smite him, Spencer checked the mirrors one more time before stomping down on the gas and sending them rocketing backwards out of the parking space. He would have flown out of the parking lot too, except that Zack demanded Spencer stop the car right that minute and made him switch places, flicking him on the ear in the process. Spencer sulked and slumped down in the passenger seat, while Brendon chattered away in the backseat about how his life had flashed before his eyes because they’d ‘seriously almost died guys, for serious!’ 

...  
“When do I get to get my license?” Brendon asked, coming up behind Spencer and draping himself against him. Spencer frowned and shrugged him off, so then Brendon wandered over to Jon. Jon let Brendon do whatever he wanted. Jon, somehow, seemed to have neverending patience. 

“In a few months you can get your permit,” Zack didn’t look up from his magazine as he spoke. “We aren’t paying extra for you to get it early,”

“Awwwwwww,” Brendon whined. Jon grinned at him and tickled Brendon’s side until the younger boy was twisting away and squealing. Spencer smiled a little bit, bad mood dissipating. He couldn’t help it.

 

…  
“I’m going to throw up,” Spencer said seriously. He couldn’t believe Zack was making him drive to the DMV for this. He’d been practicing for weeks. He didn’t need the extra practice. He was going to throw up all over the steering wheel and then the steering wheel was going to be slippery and he’d fail his driver’s test.

“You’re not going to throw up,” Zack said reasonably, like he was talking to a crazy person. He kind of was. Spencer was smart enough to know when he was being irrational. Didn’t mean he could stop it.

“I’m too tired for this. I quit. Let’s go home,” Spencer said as he pulled into the BMV parking lot and parked right in front of the building. 

“That’s what you get for staying up until three a.m. last night,” Zack responded. Spencer opened his mouth to ask how the hell Zack knew about that, but Zack just raised his eyebrow at him and then got out of the car. Oh yeah. Zack knew everything. Spencer would learn to stop questioning it one day.

“I’m seriously going to puke. It’s going to be awful. My license picture will show me with puke on my shirt,” Spencer had no choice but to follow Zack inside, really.

“That’d be awesome!” Brendon piped up, trailing right at Spencer’s heels. Brendon had been bored at home and practically demanded he come along (“I’m your good luck charm, Spencer!”). Zack didn’t argue with him about it, not since the day they’d left Brendon home alone and he’d decided to do laundry. Brendon had managed to not only get fabric softener all over the apartment building’s laundry room (he’d dropped the bottle, or something…), but he’d also shrunken every single pair of Jon’s jeans and half of Spencer’s shirts. Jon didn’t look so bad in tight jeans, actually, but he looked a little silly with his ankles showing. As for Spencer, his shirts had been tight enough already. He’d spent a lot of time and energy trying to stretch them back out just so they would fit.

But anyways, Brendon was still talking. 

“Just think of what a great conversation starter that would be! I mean, you’re on an awkward first date, right? And there’s a lull in the conversation. You’re like ‘hey let’s swap driver’s licenses and look at each other’s pictures.’ And the girl your with sees the huge puke stain and asks what it is, and now you can tell her all about how you were nervous before taking your driver’s test and drank too much coffee cause you stayed up to late so you ended up throwing up all over yourself. Boom! Conversation lull over. And she’ll totally pity you for being such a loser and think you were a cute dorky kid and stuff! It’ll be awesome,” 

Brendon wasn’t as funny as he thought he was, and Spencer let him know by tugging on a piece of his hair not-too-gently. Spencer got punched in the arm in retaliation, and then Zack pried them apart and stood between them like some sort of buffer, so they wouldn’t start wrestling in public or something. It was unnecessary. Spencer was an actual adult now (for two days. It wasn’t actually any different than being seventeen, though). He could behave like a grown-up in public. 

After they went to the counter and gave the bored looking lady his paper work (she’d snapped her gum and looked unimpressed at Spencer’s recorded 72 hours of driving. Spencer was slightly disappointed, because seventy-two was a lot of hours. He deserved just a little recognition for that, he thought) he got ushered away to take the driving test, and it… wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it was going to be.

In fact, after it was over he got to waltz into the DMV with a smug look on his face and tell them he’d passed. Brendon had practically squealed and then hugged him. Zack just smiled and clapped him on the back. 

 

…  
Spencer had been waiting outside of Starbucks for half an hour and Jon still hadn’t come out. His shift was supposed to end at four- what the hell was he doing in there? Spencer was getting a little bored, just sitting there twiddling with the radio. Every station was on commercial, and Spencer wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel. 

Eventually, finally, Jon came trotting out of the building. He’d taken his apron off, but his visor left forgotten on his head, brown hair messy and sticking up around it. Jon forgot to take his visor off all the time. It was kind of ridiculous. 

Spencer honked his horn to get Jon’s attention, and it worked. Jon jumped.

“Dude,” Jon came over and slid into the passenger seat. “You couldn’t just tell me you’d gotten your license, huh? You had to come show off?”

Spencer grinned and put the car into reverse. He was a licensed driver; he could totally do this. 

“I’m thinking pizza. You hungry?” 

“Totally,”

Spencer would be lying if he said he wasn’t showing off a little bit. He glanced into the rearview mirror before throwing the car in reverse. He stepped down a bit on the gas pedal as he backed up, going a bit too fast, and then crunch. He gasped and slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. A pissed off middle aged woman who’d been flying through the Starbucks’ parking lot had just slammed into their bumper, and was now out of her car and screaming at Spencer’s window. 

Spencer and Jon both sat there wide eyed and gaping for a minute (Jon looked like he couldn’t believe that had actually just happened (Spencer couldn’t either) and Spencer really just felt like throwing up again). He dropped his head down on the steering wheel and let it blare for a moment, drowning out the screaming banshee outside his window. Zack was going to be pissed.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments appreciated~


End file.
